Dads are important, Without them, you wouldn’t be the person you are. That’s why this fathers day I’ve decided to compile a list of the shitiest dads from across the video game universe. So this father’s day treat your dad to dinner and be happy he’s not one of these guys.
5: Jecht (Final Fantasy X)
I could have pulled a bad parent from pretty much any Final Fantasy game, but Jecht, the father of FFX protagonist Tidus is about as bad as they get. So most of what we know about Jecht is from flashbacks, so maybe it’s a bit of a one-sided story, that being said, Jecht is an alcoholic for sure. In addition to the boozing that whole, turning into a sea monster and destroying Spira thing doesn’t help either. Even this alcoholic Monster Squid is only Number five on the list, let’s keep going.
4: Ness’ dad (EarthBound)
In EarthBound for the NES, the main protagonist Ness has a father who is so shitty the only way we ever interact with him is over the phone. Granted he manages our finances and saves our progress, but a boy needs a father, not an accountant. The only other information ever provided about this illusive man is that he works in “the hamburger business” and apparently he owes the neighbors a significant sum of money. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn he’s skimming off the top of our battle earnings. Ness’ crappy dad clocks in at number four.
3: Ryotaro Dojima (Persona 4)
Ryotaro Dojima is your guardian in Persona 4. While he’s only the uncle to the protagonist, he is a father to your eight-year-old cousin Nanako and an awful one at that. Dojima spends most of his time at the police station doing detective work, so one might argue it’s excusable that he leaves Nanako alone often, but this little girl runs the household for him. Let’s also not forget the apparent child endangerment going on throughout most of the game. It would seem Dojima is more than a shitty parent, He’s also a particularly awful detective, as the killer of this murder mystery is invited to your house for dinner no less than five times throughout the course of the game. For poor detective work and reckless child endangerment, the number three spot goes to Ryotaro Dojima.
2: Bowser (Super Mario series)
Mario’s arch nemesis the King Koopa Bowser has a little tyke know as Bowser Jr. The man has a one track mind and is so obsessed with kidnapping Princess Peach he even convinced the poor kids she’s his mom. In Super Mario Sunshine, Bowser Jr. is so brainwashed by his father that he masquerades as Mario in an attempt to get him locked up so he can kidnap his “mother” Princess Peach. Brainwashing and flat out lying to your child gets you the number two spot on the list.
1: The King of all Cosmos ( Katamari series)
The number one spot on my list goes to worst dad I know, the King of all Cosmos. When the world needs a Katamari rolled up and tossed into the sky as a planet, star, galaxy, or whatever else one might become, the king calls on his son the prince. That poor little guy works so hard rolling up everything he can find, sometimes his cousins. It’s never good enough for the King, though, he berates you all the way through. I’ve never once walked away from a Katamari game feeling like I’ve made dad proud. For that look of rage in his eyes whenever I fail a mission, the number one spot goes to the King of all Cosmos.
Honorable mention: Kratos (God of War)
In the first look at the new God Of War coming to PS4, we met the son of Kratos. Now I can’t say what kind of dad he’ll be, but if he handles it like anything else in his life, he’s sure to be terrible at it. For that, my favorite God killer gets a shoutout.
Thanks for sticking it out until the end. Sound off about your horrible father in the comments and follow me for reviews and more nonsense like this.